'Totally Scientific' Study Says Kansas City 2nd Most Likely City To Survive Zombie Outbreak

Oct 27, 2016

You know you've thought about it before — whether or not you could survive a zombie outbreak. Well, according to a new study, Kansas City is one of the best cities to be in during a hypothetical zombie apocalypse.

Online employment site CareerBuilder used data from its marking analysis arm to rank the top 53 largest metro areas in the United States in terms of zombie preparedness. The "totally practical and 100 percent feasible study" used defensibility, containment, the odds of finding a cure and abundance of food sources as factors in its list.

So are we talking 28 Days Later-style fast zombies? Or Walking Dead shamblers? The world may never know, but the study assumes a, "standard, flesh-eating virus transmitted via biting or contact with infected blood." 

The study gave KC the number two spot behind Boston, Massachusetts. We earned the highest marks in the country for defensibility, while our containment and likelihood of a cure lagged behind others. 

Still, while Kansas City didn't get the top spot, we're better off compared to St. Louis, which came in at a completely average 27 out of 53. STL got lower marks than KC across the board, particularly for food sources.

It's the conjecture of this writer that world-class barbecue, nearby farm sources and great craft beer had no problem beating "gooey butter cake" (bleh) and substandard smoked meat offerings (I kid, I kid! We love you, St. Louis <3).

But even our eastern Missouri buddies were much better off than New York City, which came in dead last. It's no surprise that the Big Apple got a -10.08 in containment — I mean, come on, there's no way things wouldn't get pretty hairy in a city of 8.5 million potential zombies.

So next time your mind wanders and you find yourself thinking about how horrible it would be to watch your family, friends and everyone around you torn apart by vicious brain-dead walkers, just chill out. This completely unscientific study has Kansas City's back.

Cody Newill is the digital editor for KCUR 89.3 and co-host of Question Quest. Follow him on Twitter @CodyNewill.