Childhood and adolescence have their charms. But it’s only adults, despite being closer to the final exit than the fresh start, who get to call their own shots.
That's even truer on weekends, when most grown-ups have additional time to devote to non-essential stuff (a.k.a. fun). And this weekend is especially adult-friendly, with things that go "va-va-voom, "kerrang," "vroom," "smooch," "hic" and "whaaaaaattt."
That's right, you can still be an adult and make as many silly sounds in public as you want. I should know!
Pre-Valentine's Day “va-va-voom” (or, if you prefer, “hubba-hubba”) will be in full exhibitionist force when Kansas City’s Burlesque Downtown Underground enticingly struts to the theme of the mid-1980s Robert Palmer rocker about the habit-forming oblivion of never-ending romantic obsession. Still, it’s unclear to me whether one really ought to bring one’s absolutely special someone to view such a nearly naked display of “love, lust and downright haughty naughtiness” as practiced by such a promised passel of female pulchritude. Oh, what the hell, the more the merrier.
Saturday, 7 and 9:30 p.m.; Musical Theatre Heritage Theatre at Crown Center, 2450 Grand Blvd., Kansas City, Mo.; tickets: $15-$30.
2. Mac Sabbath
A hard-rock guitar goes “kerrang,” and it’s doused with crazy amounts of metaphorical ketchup and mustard when played by heavy metal parody band Mac Sabbath, which is anti-McDonald’s and pro-Black Sabbath. The group, whose raging front man looks like a cross between Ronald McDonald and Heath Ledger’s Joker in “The Dark Knight,” takes a very adult view about Big Macs and other fast food: Stay away from it! The theatrical diatribes set to Black Sabbath tunes include “Pair-a-Buns,” sounding like Sabbath’s “Paranoid,” “Frying Pan,” ala Sabbath’s “Iron Man,” and “More Ribs,” recalling Sabbath’s “War Pigs.” Spinal Tap, eat your heart out…just don’t do it in a drive-through.
Sunday, 7:30 p.m.; Knuckleheads Saloon, 2715 Rochester St., Kansas City, Mo.; tickets: $16.
This 58th annual custom car show, besides displaying scads of insane hotrods and other vehicular oddities that go “vroom,” includes a Sunday afternoon appearance by Horny Mike. Is that adult enough for you? Horny Mike (yes, I typed that twice) is an airbrush artist from Las Vegas who slaps 3-D horns on helmets and anything else that inspires him. Other personal appearances include World Wrestling Entertainment star A.J. Styles (6 to 8 p.m. Friday) and original "Dukes of Hazzard" TV star John Schneider (1 to 4 p.m. Saturday). Horny Mike! Heh.
Friday, 3-10 p.m.; Saturday, 10 a.m.-10 p.m.; Sunday, 10 a.m.-6 p.m., Bartle Hall, 301 W. 13th St., Kansas City, Mo.; tickets: $18, $6 ages 6-12.
4. Kiss & Tail
It’s not polite to kiss and tell, but Kiss & Tail between critters? That appears to be more of a gray area, thanks to actors from the Living Room Theatre, who will "smooch" as if they were animals in an adults-only Valentine-inspired show at the Kansas City Zoo. In addition to wild behavior – hey, the giraffes are necking again – amused audience members will be seriously treated to live music, hors d’oeuvres and dessert.
Saturday, 6:30-9:30 p.m.; Kansas City Zoo, 6800 Zoo Dr., Kansas City, Mo.; tickets: $50.
5. KC Brew Fest
If you’re an adult, you can handle disappointing news without complaining. So here it is: This year’s KC Brew Fest is officially sold out. Aw, c’mon! So much for following my own advice. But even without a ticket in hand, there’s still a chance to try some of the 100 varieties of beer ("hic") from more than 40 breweries: Get on the waiting list. Aw, c’mon! Yeah, I know, I’ve got some stuff to work on.
Saturday, noon-4 p.m.; Union Station, 30 W. Pershing Road, Kansas City, Mo.; tickets: $40, $50 (sold out, with waiting list).
The writer’s tip to write about what you know about also goes for rapping. And what rapper Mickey Avalon knows about is living as a heroin addict on the streets of Hollywood. Avalon reports that he’s now clean and sober, but his earlier life was marred by bad luck, worse behavior and outright tragedy, most notably his sister dying from a heroin overdose. When Avalon raps as a full-fledged adult about hitting “Rock Bottom,” it’s also intoxicating, even entertaining in a strange way. Is he glorifying or condemning the game that once almost took him down? As an artist, I dare say he’s doing both. You say, “Whaaaaaattt?” It’s an ironic grown-up thing. Don’t even get me started on Dirt Nasty!
Saturday, 8 p.m.; Riot Room, 4048 Broadway, Kansas City, Mo.; tickets: $20.
Brian McTavish is a regular arts and culture contributor for KCUR 89.3. You can reach him at email@example.com.