Limericks | KCUR

Limericks

May 25, 2012
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show in Cleveland, Ohio this June. Also, check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week: Ian and Mike tell you how to make your own ketchup, without any tomatoes.

CARL KASELL: Take that Heinz.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME.

VERA KOMISARJEVSKY: Hi, Peter. This is Vera Komisarjevsky calling from Portland, Maine.

SAGAL: Vera, excuse me, what?

KOMISARJEVSKY: Komisarjevsky.

SAGAL: Oh wow, that is a fabulous and operatic name. What do you do there in Portland?

KOMISARJEVSKY: I'm a nurse practitioner in an emergency room.

SAGAL: Oh wow, that must be exciting work.

KOMISARJEVSKY: Yeah, it provides endless dinner party stories.

SAGAL: Really?

(LAUGHTER)

KOMISARJEVSKY: Yeah.

LUKE BURBANK: Is that legal?

KOMISARJEVSKY: The names are all changed.

SAGAL: You wouldn't believe what I pulled out of this one guy. Well, welcome to the show, Vera. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Ready to go?

KOMISARJEVSKY: Yeah, I am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

KASELL: A "Flat Iron Cut" just sounds fake. A name change does not new food make. But a fresh cut of meat that cannot be beat. Come try the Las Vegas Strip?

KOMISARJEVSKY: Steak.

SAGAL: Yes, steak.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE))

SAGAL: Very good. A meat scientist in Oklahoma has discovered a never before known cut of steak. He's calling it the Vegas Strip Steak. Until they get the official patent, no one is saying where on the cow this new steak is found. All we know is that it's from an area traditionally used to make hamburger, and it's not to be confused with the Vegas Stripper Steak. That's the steak that's just trying to pay its way through grad school.

(LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Now that does seem - I'm sorry.

P.J. O'ROURKE: How many years of cowdom have we had now, about ten thousand since they were domesticated? You think people had kind of like poked around and pretty much looked at every corner of the...

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: You'd think.

BURBANK: There are some shy parts of it.

O'ROURKE: There are some shy parts of it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, very good. Here is your next limerick:

KASELL: You ladies just can't come to grips with our munchy testosterone dips. At a rough all-male party the Ruffles are hearty. We're feeding our manhood with?

KOMISARJEVSKY: Chips.

SAGAL: Yes, chips.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE))

SAGAL: Finally, potato chips for men. Stand back ladies: Ruffles has unleashed new Ultimate Chips, aimed at men. What makes them manly? Well they're twice the size of a regular chip and also they refuse to share their feelings.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Best of all though, is the secret ingredient in the manly chips: shrapnel.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KASELL: Though I don't end up in the news, my feet give this country its dues. If they're not pre-worn, her feet might get corns. I break in Her Majesty's?

KOMISARJEVSKY: Shoes.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE))

SAGAL: Queen Elizabeth in England walks around a lot around shaking hand, which is why it was revealed this week the Queen needs a special servant just to wear her shoes for a while, to break them in first. If she's got a servant to do that, is there anything left for the Queen to actually do herself? Asked for comment, the Queen couldn't answer because the guy who moves her jaw up and down was on a break.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Vera do on our quiz?

KASELL: Vera had a perfect score, Peter, three correct answers. So Vera, you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, Vera.

POUNDSTONE: All right, Vera.

KOMISARJEVSKY: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE))

KOMISARJEVSKY: Woo-hoo.

SAGAL: Woo-hoo. Congratulations.

KOMISARJEVSKY: Thank you so much.

SAGAL: We'll see you in Portland. We'll be there this summer.

KOMISARJEVSKY: I'll be there.

SAGAL: Take care. Bye-bye.

KOMISARJEVSKY: Thanks. Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.