Ah, the B-word. Most of us know one or more of the impolite connotations. But let’s stretch out a bit, shall we?
Beyond the rudely inspired, other B’s beckoning partakers this weekend include bulls, ballet and Brazil.
And, yes, there’s a bona fide B-word thing to do, if you care to try it. Whatever you may choose, be sure to have a blast.
1. Professional Bull Riders
Bull! That’s what professional bull riders say at the slightest suggestion that they can’t stay on top of even the most ornery oxen. It’s understandable. You’ve got to think positively when you’re trying to remain more or less upright on massively mobile critters sporting such mean monikers as War Party and Time Bomb. Riders who hang on for eight long seconds can wind up winners. Riders who take magnificently losing tumbles – known as “wrecks” in the bull riding biz – might be just as fun to watch. Sorry, pardner, them’s the breaks.
Saturday, 7 p.m.; Sunday, 2 p.m.; Sprint Center, 1407 Grand Blvd., Kansas City, Mo; tickets: $17-$402.
2. Kansas City Ballet: ‘Swan Lake’
Ballet has the power to transport the mind, lift the soul and even make you believe that a beautiful princess can be turned into a swan – which sounds kind of cool, unless you’re the princess-cum-swan who’d rather marry a handsome prince than paddle around the pond all day. That supernatural predicament is at the dramatic core of the world-famous “Swan Lake,” which the Kansas City Ballet will set in graceful motion with sensitive support from the Kansas City Symphony. Just to be clear: There’s nothing wrong with being a swan. I don’t want to get any swan hate mail.
Friday and Saturday, 7:30 p.m.; Sunday, 2 p.m. Muriel Kauffman Theatre, Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts, 1601 Broadway, Kansas City, Mo.; tickets: $55-$95.
3. Princess Burlesque
Burlesque entertainment starring storybook princesses is the enchanting gimmick behind this 21-and-over peekaboo fest. For the naughty record, the show’s performers want to “have you on your knees, begging for more charm and fantasy than you remember from your childhood.” Well, if they insist, it would impolite to refuse. Full-bodied talents on display include Miss Conception, Cher D. Blame and pre-show fire artist Sophie Sassafrass. Yass, indeed.
Saturday, 8 p.m.; Uptown Arts Bar, 3611 Broadway, Kansas City, Mo.; cover: $7.
4. BRASA’s Brazilian Carnival
Ask any Brazilian and they’ll tell you: There’s no carnival like a Brazilian carnival. Chances are there will be more than a few to field the question – in between dance steps – at BRASA’s Brazilian Carnival, featuring music from DJ 151 and two bands: KC Samba Brazil and Chicago Samba from the Windy City. BRASA (Brazilian Studies Association) is an international group of scholars that supports Brazilian scholarship and apparently the idea that all work and no play is never the way to go. Party!
Saturday 9 p.m.; Abe & Jakes Landing, 8 E. Sixth St., Lawrence, Kan.; admission: $15 (VIP $30) for ages 18 and older, $2 for minors.
5. Teddy Bear Clinic
Got a bear that needs repair? Volunteers from Kansas City Young Matrons will be at the Kansas City Zoo to get teddy bears back in playing shape with a stitch, patch or other lovingly applied fix. Not that a frayed paw can’t hug you back, but you wouldn’t want it to go missing. Pooh gets glum when that happens.
Saturday, 10 a.m.-2 p.m.; Kansas City Zoo, 6800 Zoo Drive, Kansas City, Mo; free with zoo admission ($11.50-$14.50).
6. Spring Bird Expo
Birds and bird supplies will be in abundance at this annual gathering of feathered friend lovers, which also offers on-site adoption of small birds. Popular birds on display at past expos have included rare canaries and finches, along with exotic varieties of macaw and cockatoo. Gesundheit. Nothing disappoints like bad bird humor.
Saturday, 9 a.m.-4 p.m., KCI Expo Center, 11430 N. Ambassador Dr., Kansas City, Mo.; admission: $7 for adults, $5 for seniors and ages 10-14.
7. ‘Junie B. Jones, the Musical’
What does the “B” in Junie B. Jones stand for? “The B stands for Beatrice,” says Jones, a beloved children’s book character. “Except I don't like Beatrice. I just like B and that's all.” So be it, as well, in “Junie B. Jones, the Musical,” which puts our opinionated grade-school heroine through her paces from the lunchroom to the kickball field. Appropriate for ages 3 1/2 and older.
Friday, 10 a.m. and noon; Saturday, 2 p.m.; H&R Block City Stage, Union Station, 30 Pershing Road, Kansas City, Mo.; tickets: $10
8. ‘Prison Bitches From Hell’
Now that’s a title. Ron Megee’s latest comedy for Late Night Theatre promises broad laughs and, of course, men dressed as broads. But this time the absurd action is behind bars. While it remains unclear whether depictions of prison life can ever be really and truly funny, if anyone can pull it off with screwball aplomb, Megee is the man in drag to do it. Oh, what the hell – you go, bitches!
Friday and Saturday, 8 p.m.; Missie B’s, 805 W. 39th St., Kansas City, Mo.; tickets: $20.